my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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