you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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