Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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