I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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