let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
