if you like me you must not know who I am
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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