i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
pop tarts are not kleenex
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
