she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
