I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
