Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
