I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Houston, we have a squirter
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
