my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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