I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
and you fell through a lawn chair
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
