im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
