i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
