so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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