He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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