lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
