That's when you crack a 10am beer
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
