i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
