Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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