Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's shark week go big or go home
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
