I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
