I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize