When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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