yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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