Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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