for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
