I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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