your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
