I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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