My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Randomize
