farters have to be the big spoon...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
it glows. i had to have it.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
