wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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