TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
