She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
