okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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