i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Randomize