my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
