Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Randomize
