Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
