I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Randomize
