What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
