Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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