I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
