Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Come share oat with me in your robe
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
