When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
