There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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