You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
