she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I just forgot I was standing up.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
