Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
