Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
