Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
