so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
