Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(773): View more from Illinois

Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...

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(503): View more from Oregon

I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?

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(619): View more from California

Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.

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(575): View more from New Mexico

I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE

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(773): View more from Illinois

I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.

(708): View more from Illinois

Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.

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(425): View more from Washington

Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.

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(609): View more from New Jersey

I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.

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(734): View more from Michigan

His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?

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(314): View more from Missouri

So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment

(419): View more from Ohio

Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...

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