The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
