the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
