i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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