My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
