She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Randomize
