if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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