you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize