Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
