Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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