Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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