If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Alive.
So much puke
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
